Another Post Lost to Mommy Wars

ugh.

I have written so many posts lately only to scrap them completely for fear of starting a mommy war. Are these controversial posts about circumcision or sleep training? Nope. One was about sensory play ideas for crying out loud. Somehow I convinced myself that some mother out there would think that I was looking down on her for not taking to Pinterest on a hunt for the latest craze in sensory activities. Seriously? This is where we are. Moms judging each other so intensely that I can't post a single thing without thinking about how someone will misconstrue my intention and make it about how someone isn't good enough.

Every choice that I make with regards to parenting is the best one for me. If I felt that my decisions weren't the best, I wouldn't make them. Does that mean that I judge everyone who does something different? Nope. If I post anything about breastfeeding, it doesn't mean that I judge someone who doesn't breastfeed. Just because I bed share and cloth diaper doesn't mean that I have a single issue with someone who doesn't.

Are there parenting decisions that I judge? Of course there are. Let's make a deal though, k? If I am writing a post about something that I am judging, I'll explicitly state that I disagree with it and why so that you won't have to guess or assume. Deal?

On that note...sensory post up next...

There is a theme here...

So, I posted in the past about how I once judged the moms who made the decision to bed share, breastfeed for an extended period of time and practice elimination communication (well, maybe I didn't exactly admit to judging everything about attachment parenting and the way I have chosen to parent my own child, but I basically did *blushes*)

Anyway...

I have another confession...I once sorta, kinda judged the stay at home moms too (wow, I was really judgemental). In high school and university I was an over-achiever (and maybe in some ways, I still am but that's likely for another post). I was all about studying and getting the grades to ensure an amazing career that I would be proud of and that my parents would be proud of. My mom stayed home for a good part of my childhood and I was glad to have her there when I needed her and appreciated all of her work (even though I underestimated all that was involved in running a household with five kids!!), I didn't really understand her desire to stay home. Didn't she want to make her own money and contribute to society? (that sounds really bad and I apologize to my mother, but that's what I thought).

As I got older and friends started to have kids, I started to understand a little bit better, but it wasn't until I had Ruby that I truly got it.  Parenting is difficult and emotional, it's exhausting and amazing. The connection to this little person is indescribable and overwhelming. I can tell you that I have cried (ugly cried!) because my heart is so full that sometimes it hurts. I knew early on that leaving her to return to work would be almost impossible. I didn't want to miss anything and needed to spend my days with her. I wanted to parent her in a particular way and even though I have hard days and days where my patience is thin (did I mention that we still don't sleep through the night?), I couldn't imagine anyone doing a better job than me with my child.

So, I get it. I was wrong. I am contributing to society and in an incredible way. I am raising this amazing person who will be compassionate and kind, smart and funny. She will be a leader and she will speak her mind. She will be confident and aware and if the present dictates the future, she will have one hell of a career in fashion! ;)