Does she sleep through the night?

This is the question that every one asks when they meet someone with a baby, chat with an old friend who has a baby or see someone half way across a store with a baby. I don't know why, but people NEED to know if your baby is sleeping through the night! I think people ask me this question more often than they ask her name (okay, I might be exaggerating, but only slightly!) I know other moms who politely lie and say "yes" or lie by omission and say something clever like "she sleeps like a baby" (jokes on you, bc that means "nope"...."sleeps like a husband" is a different story all together!!) Of course, there are babes who sleep through the night and parents who wake up refreshed and that's nice for them, but that's not the way we roll. People ask me if Ruby sleeps through the night and I'm honest. I laugh and just say "nope". I won't sugar coat it for you bc some babies take longer and some parents won't rush them and I want those parents to know that they are not alone. We practice wait it out (WIO), which is essentially the opposite of cry it out. I won't get in to all the reasons why I hate CIO (yes, mom, 'hate' is a strong word, but it applies here), but I do and so we wait until Ruby is ready to STTN without letting her cry. She typically wakes every two hours (yes, still) and nurses for a few minutes and then right back to sleep. So, if you ask, you will get an honest response because I'm happy with my choice and will justify it all day if you want me to. My nine month old does

not STTN and I might be tired some days, but I'm committed to WIO and I don't need you to agree with me (you could grab me a coffee though!) 

I told you so

I've mentioned a few times how much my views with regards to parenting have changed and I was reminded of that again today. A friend sent me a message to let me know that she likes reading these posts because she finds that we are quite like minded in our parenting approach. She then stated that she sometimes felt judged as well for her attachment style, most specifically around bed sharing. I instantly remembered passing judgement in the past when she mentioned that she bed shared with her toddler. She hadn't specifically mentioned me with regards to being judged, but I knew I deserved a big, fat "I told you so!" and I wouldn't have blamed her one bit. It's funny how everyone knows how to parent before they have kids of their own and this includes me. Yes, I was already raising Sarah when Ruby was born, but I missed the baby stage with her and therefore all of the baby wearing, bed sharing and obviously, breast feeding. I thought I was some sort of expert and didn't see how it was so difficult to just put your kid to bed and get on a routine. I see now that it isn't about making your child work around your routine, but instead about respecting them and their needs enough to do what it takes, regardless of how difficult or tiring that might be. I will do my very best to respect what my children need from me at all times. Period. I bed share. Judge if you must! 

When things get messy

We are pretty big on letting Ruby explore and discover new things (the pre-baby/pre-crunchy me would not be ok with the messes we get in to some times). I basically want her to experience things that interest her and activities that stimulate her senses in new and interesting ways. We have fun engaging in different types of sensory play, whether it be play with baby safe paints, water or rice and random kitchen utensils. We make sensory bottles with water bottles and rice, pasta, beads, glitter, etc. and our latest project was making a treasure basket to explore. The dollar store is a great resource for inexpensive sensory options! :) Sensory play has been a fun way for her to explore new objects, different textures and materials and to find ways to play and use things as she sees fit and without direction from us. She often spends time banging different objects together and listening to the different sounds they make (and then passing them to me so I get a turn too lol). Our newest basket includes objects like balls of different fabrics, string, ribbon, a sponge, an old telephone, measuring spoons, a paint roller sleeve and some dollar store finds that light up and stretch in different ways. It's fun to see what she does with different things (but honestly, most things go in her mouth right now with these new teeth coming in!). I think our next rainy day project will be sensory bags so that Ruby can squeeze and manipulate the bag (filled with gel) to find different items inside to look at. Maybe we should wait until teething settles down a bit so that our little termite doesn't rip a whole in the bag with her tiny razor blade teeth! *

*I will argue that this is not an exaggeration since I have been bitten by these cute little teeth while nursing! ouch!!

Lazy parenting?

Lazy parenting? It sounds almost like an oxy moron, doesn't it? This is sometimes the assumption made of attachment style parenting and I have, at times, been made to feel that this view has been held with regards to some of my painting decisions. So, here's the deal...

I don't sleep train because it is not what I want for my babe. I truly feel that by responding to her 24 hours a day I am teaching her that I am and always will be there for her. I am teaching her that she can trust me and that my job as mommy does not end at a particular time of day. I know that sleep training would be easier on me in the long run, but I chose to be a parent for so many reasons and parenting being easy wasn't one of them. There are days that living with this choice is tough, but I would not change it. She still comfort nurses through the night at 9 months old and while I hope this changes some day, I know I will miss it when it does.

I haven't baby proofed, despite Ruby being very active, because I want to teach her limits and about listening when asked not to do something (some days I feel like I say "not for Ruby" a hundred times lol). I also want her to explore things like the stairs because I want her to learn to navigate them with confidence. I want her to explore new and interesting things and feel that she will discover objects that I would never have thought to teach her about (the curtains are a good time lately!) Lastly, I hope that she will learn about natural consequences, but within reason of course! So far, the taste of dog food is not a deterrent in itself..neither is sand!

I often nurse to sleep because Ruby and I both enjoy it, so why not? I feel an incredible bond with nursing and I know that I will miss it when she is done. I also plan to nurse until she decides to wean. This is not because I am lazy, but rather because I have done my research and breast milk still has lots of nutrients to provide to an active toddler. I also hope to gross people out. Kidding! Mostly ;)

Baby led weaning. This is the route we chose in terms of feeding Ruby solids not because I didn't want the hassle of making baby food, but because we felt and still feel that this is the best option to teach her about textures, fine motor skills, social skills, independence and a healthy relationship with food. This has also resulted in a sense of pride for her, which is evident although she is still so young. She has done so well with learning to use an open cup and often smiles when she does so all by herself :) And if you think that blw is the lazy route, you should see some of the messes!!

One Proud Mama

We spent yesterday with my family for my gram's 80th birthday and it was a beautiful day! Ruby got lots of attention and I got the chance to chat with cousins that I don't see enough. One cousin and his partner are expecting their first baby next month. I loved chatting with her about great baby products, cloth diapers, the fourth trimester and birth plans (my life has changed so much!!) I was filled with so much emotion as we chatted about the miracle of babies and the joys of being a parent. She said that she was relieved to hear someone talking so positively about the entire experience, birth and all. I don't understand why these types of conversations are not more common. Everything about pregnancy, birth and breast feeding is amazing!! Sure, this is the hardest job I have ever had, but it is also the most incredible journey I have ever been on. Watching a little human that I helped to create learn and develop in to her own little person is truly a gift. It might sound cheesy and I'm okay with that, but how moms don't walk around in complete awe of what they have done/are doing all the time boggles my mind! We are moms!! We have grown people and fed them with our bodies!! We help to raise the next generation and it's incredible!! Maybe I've become a hippie or maybe I just need more sleep, but I get emotional when I think of how lucky I am to have been chosen to do this job.

Our mom and baby weekend

Daddy and big sister are off to a soccer tournament, so Ruby and I are having our first weekend solo. It has been less than 24 hours and Ruby has tried new food (cherries and pineapple), gotten her third tooth and been to visit family. We are off to the beach later today too. 

This weekend is sort of symbolic for me in a weird way. My choice to stay behind with the baby alone says something about my increase in confidence as a mom. Sure, I spend lots of days alone with Ruby and my husband works a lot, but this solo weekend was by choice. I find myself gaining confidence in not only my decisions as a parent, but in my every day life. Confidence was hard to come by in my younger days and I didn't go out and do things for fear of being judged. With age that very slowly became less of an issue. With this new role as a biological parent, I have found a new kind of confidence that surprised me. Perhaps this incredibly important role put in to context the ridiculous things that I worried about before. I certainly have moments (or entire days!) where it all seems too hard or too exhausting, but overall I am the happiest and most confident that I have ever been. I really believe that I was born to be a mother and am so unbelievably grateful to have the chance to fulfill that role. 

It's not "potty training"

So, I started out with one idea of how I would parent an infant and ended up feeling very different once Ruby had arrived. My plans went out the window and I followed my gut and before I knew it, we were bed sharing (from her first night in the hospital) and I was holding her for naps and wearing her in a carrier or wrap daily. In my heart these choices felt right, but sometimes my head would start to wonder if I was "spoiling" her.

I did a lot of reading and researching and discovered in something called the fourth trimester (this makes an unbelievable amount of sense and you should read about it if you haven't already) and in a parenting style called attachment parenting. This style fit with so much of what I was feeling and it all just made sense to me. So, like I do with anything that intrigues me, I dove in to reading. One of the books I chose was 'Beyond the Sling' by Mayim Bialik. When I first started reading I thought the book was interesting, but way too "crunchy" for me! Elimination Communication??!? Come on, hippie...seriously?

The chapter on elimination communication (or natural infant hygiene) was a doozy! Essentially, she (and a huge number of people) argue that infants are born with the desire to eliminate waste somewhere other than in a diaper, that they are then forced to sit in. We, as parents, inadvertently train them to use a diaper and train them again later to do what they were already born knowing how to do...use the toilet! I needed to do more research and put this to the test!!

It took no time at all to make my first "catch" with Ruby, who was then 3 months old. I could not believe how quickly she figured out that I would help her to go to the toilet (babies are so so smart!!). So we practiced here and there over those first few weeks and made lots of catches and she started to smile when I would sit her on the toilet..it was pretty incredible that we were communicating even though she was still so little!

Teething and a cold put a hold on our practice for a bit and then we were getting out and about more, making "ec" a bit more tricky. We have basically reverted to practicing here and there (before getting in the pool or the bath or if I am changing her and notice that she isn't wet), but each time she smiles at me. I do hope to get back to it because we both enjoy the communication aspect of it all. The fact that we made a fantastic catch today when we were thisclose to dirtying our only swim diaper while at a friend's pool for the afternoon is an added bonus! :)

I nurse to sleep *gasp*

Before Ruby was born, I didn't truly understand breastfeeding. I mean, I knew that it was supposed to be best for baby and I was going to do whatever it took to be successful at breastfeeding for her benefit, but I didn't truly "get it". I heard moms talk about the bond and about enjoying it (weird!) and even feeding well in to toddlerhood (gross!). And then my baby girl, only a few minutes old, latched for the first time! Talk about a powerful moment! I immediately started to understand...wow! 

So, here we are. Ruby is 8.5 months old and has never even had a bottle of breast milk (we kinda, sorta tried twice and I, not so secretly, was glad that she wasn't a fan). I feed her whenever she wants and that includes often when she is ready for sleep. It just feels right and we both enjoy it. Many people have given me the 'She has no sweet clue' look when I tell them this or say "you can teach her to self-soothe later"...not likely. When she decides that she is ready to do it on her own, I will support her with that, but I won't be forcing or "training" because it isn't for us. Hubby can rock, walk or wear her to sleep like nobody's business and enjoys doing so, but when she's with me, she wants to be nursed and that's ok with me (most times ;)

You should see the looks I get when people find out that she still wakes up every two hours most nights, but that's for another post ;)

Cloth Diapers...you're doing it wrong!

So, I decided during my pregnancy that I would like to try cloth diapers on our babe. It all seemed so confusing with the lingo, elaborate wash routines and SO many diaper options. Did I want AIO, AI2, pockets, prefolds and covers? What about microfiber vs. bamboo vs. hemp vs. cotton? Would I need boosters? Maybe double stuffed? Perhaps part-time cloth diapering would suit me better...or maybe cloth just for cute photos and then right back in to disposables (or 'sposies in the CD world).

So, we waited until we were past the newborn stage and I had got my bearings (well..kinda) and gave it a go. I bought expensive "cloth diaper safe" detergent and researched the proper wash routine. Soon I was pre-washing, washing and rinsing, rinsing, rinsing...using too much soap, not enough soap. Don't put them in the dryer! Definitely put them in the dryer! You should use bleach. Never use bleach! ugh....

Once Ruby was eating solids, the game changed again. Do I need a sprayer? What is the proper toilet swooshing technique again? Can I use stain remover? Maybe they should just be stained...it is poop after all....? Do I smell ammonia??

Here is what I learned...

Brand and style/type are all about personal preference and sometimes shape of baby (for fit purposes). I use mainly pockets with micro fiber inserts and sometimes covers with cotton prefolds. Some people swear by one brand or one style while another person finds those don't "work" for them. I've used name brand as well as "China cheapies" and have things I like/dislike about both. I don't love all-in-one's while some people use them exclusively. It might be best to ask around and check out different options before committing...cding can get pricey if you prefer a particular name/print, etc., but can be very inexpensive as well. It's personal preference.

"Cloth safe" detergent is not effective at all! It is weak and we are told to use too little. It is poop people!! It needs soap and hot water to be cleaned properly. Ditch this crap and use any of your favourite laundry soap as long as it does not include fabric softener (this will impact on the absorption of your dipes). My diapers smell amazing!! (Yep, I get my nose right in there when I'm folding up my clean diapers. I have no shame!) Note: Tide Ultra powder seems to have the highest rate of success for people and it works really well for us.

Extra rinses are completely unnecessary! Ain't no mama got time for them!

Sunning is great for smells and stains, but it's not magic. You still need a proper wash routine to adequately care for you diapers.

If you smell ammonia when your diapers become wet...you have a problem that needs addressing. If not taken care of your sweet baby could end up with ammonia burn :( I had success with a bleach soak and it's easy peasey (add 1/3 cup bleach to a tub 1/3 full of cold water. Ensure bleach is mixed well with water. Add all diapers, liners, cloth wipes and soak for 30 minutes. Complete full wash. Smell your clean diapers). *if 1/3 tub full of water isn't enough to cover your dipes, adjust water and bleach amount...1/2 cup bleach to 1/2 tub full of water, etc.

Since finding a better routine, my diapers have never smelled so good or looked so clean. No staining and no elaborate routines! One happy cloth diapering mama over here!

Confession: We still do "sposies" at night bc I love sleep and she loathes being changed. I'm not ready to risk not having the proper absorbency and thus a meltdown at 3am in which everyone is woken up and then the dog thinks we are all getting up and starts pacing around while his nails click on the floor and I have to go get a towel to sleep on bc I'm not changing sheets at this time of night, even if they have pee on them....

First Post

My first blog post...no pressure! ;)

Introductions first. My name is Carly and I'm a crunchy mama wannabe. I only discovered this identity about eight and a half months ago when my daughter, Ruby was born. Up until that day (Oct 17/13), I thought I knew who I was and the parent that I would be...nope. I have changed so much since her birth and it has been a great, scary, emotional, exciting and amazing journey so far and I'm excited to experience what is to come. I feel more comfortable with who I am than I ever have honestly, although at first I second guessed everything my gut told me was right and drove myself crazy with "research". I am now of the mindset that you research everything and then follow your gut.

I don't know what this blog will end up being, but I thought I would jot down my thoughts and ideas here and there and if nothing else, it will be a nice reminder of this wild ride called parenthood :)