Ruby turns one!

Wow. Here we are. A whole year has passed. I don't even know how that it is possible...

I'm honestly not even sure if I have the ability to put in to words all of the emotions and thoughts that I have with regards to this milestone. I am full of pride and excitement, but also of sadness and heartache (I'm crying already in case you were wondering).

I am so unbelievably proud of Ruby and of how smart, sweet, loveable, determined, funny and adorable she is. I am glad that I spent this past year parenting her in the way that I wanted, not changing how I did things because others disagreed. I will never regret the amount that I held her, carried her, wore her and snuggled her. I am glad that we breastfed and bed shared (and still do both), even when others doubted my choices. I am glad that I did what I thought was best for her, even when I was too tired.

I am sad because Ruby will never want to snuggle with me as much as she did this past year. I am, at times, saddened by her increasing independence. Sometimes, I want to go back and just spend the whole day cuddling.

This is such a bittersweet time for me. The excitement of seeing her change each day and in watching her personality and interests develop and in learning who she is becomes overshadowed by the sadness of watching her grow up and need me less (I realize this may sound crazy, bc she is still a baby and still needs me, but her need to constantly nurse and always be held is less, so it counts people!).

Then comes the gratitude. This is one that gets me all choked up.

I honestly did not believe that I would ever get the opportunity to be a biological parent and the fact that we are celebrating the first year of MY daughter's life is still unreal to me! This year has been hard (full of major anxiety, overwhelming emotion and figuring out the new normal), but more importantly, this year has been the most incredible experience of my life. I have been able to finally do something that I always dreamed of and have been able to grow as a person in a way I hadn't considered. I am grateful for the lessons that Ruby has taught me and continues to teach me, for the year I have spent with her and for the extra six months that I decided to take to be with her, for the mommy and baby friends that we have made and that accept us without "mom judging", for a husband who has supported my complete change in parenting style, and the list goes on and on.

Most important of all, I am grateful beyond words that Ruby picked me. I will never, ever understand how I got so lucky or what I could have done to deserve her, but I am so glad that I did it.

Happy first birthday Ruby girl! Mama loves you so much! xoxo

The 60's called...

I came across this article while looking up play and sensory ideas on Pinterest with tips on how to be the best stay at home mom possible. I thought it might be worth a glance, since I appreciate new ideas. Needless to say, I didn't even finish the "article". It started off innocently enough...pointing out that some moms seem feel trapped in their role as a SAHM and don't see the true value of this job, etc. I completely agree that this is the case and I believe that this stems from society's view of this role and a completely misunderstood understanding of all that this role entails (I will admit that I used to feel this same way!). I assume that all other moms, like myself,  have those moments when they feel isolated or trapped and just want a few minutes alone or to be presentable on a regular basis, but hope that for the most part, we are all recognizing the importance of what it is we are doing day in and day out.

The article continued with it's tips on making each day "count". This is where the author and I differ drastically in our views. She states that having one's husband (no mention of another option other than "husband") be appreciative of their appearance and their culinary skills will help to give her a sense of purpose. The reader is invited to set an alarm to wake up before the rest of her family,  in order to make herself presentable (because "no husband wants to see his wife in sweats every day when he gets home"), say her prayers and get ready for her day. She is also encouraged to ensure that a meal is prepared for her husband each night when he arrives home. UGH!

While I believe that the individual who is home most should likely do their best to keep things relatively tidy and make supper most days, I do not think that this should be outlined as musts, nor do I feel that these things should be done for the sole purpose of pleasing one's "husband", which in turn is meant to give her purpose! Sure, your partner will likely appreciate the fact that you made a meal and brushed your teeth, but where is the part about doing things that you take pride in or most importantly (to me), that your children are benefitting from??? Also, setting an alarm? Are you effing kidding me??!

Here are my tips in case you wondered:

1. Get out with your kiddos - find weekly activities/play groups to look forward to (I struggled to get out at first bc I was anxious, so I signed myself up for a baby massage class, so I felt committed to get there and it helped immensely). Lots of communities have free library groups! I find too many days in a row at home all day make me a little cranky, so I always try to break that up a bit.

2. Connect with other moms (like minded moms if possible) - Being able to chat with others in a similar situation is always helpful and this mom "situation" is no different. It's nice to find others with similar parenting values if you can. You may have local groups (online counts too) or things like le leche league meetings are great for meeting other breastfeeding moms, etc. Before I had a little "real life" mommy group, I found online groups really helpful to connect to other moms for things like breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, baby led weaning and waiting it out...often when your style differs from the majority, this support is really nice.

3. Find new activities to do with your kiddos to keep the days interesting. I find things on Pinterest sometimes and have started hoarding craft activities for the upcoming winter days. Or even play in a different space in the house. We tend to play mostly in the main floor living room, so sometimes we go up to Ruby's bedroom to read or we go to the basement, where I recently stashed a few toys.

4. Keep a short to do list each day that you can pretty easily accomplish. I do this and it makes me feel good knowing that I got something done, plus then things aren't piling up too much. I empty the dishwasher each morning and then do at least one load of laundry each day. I use nap time to put away a load of laundry, throw something in the crockpot and/or wipe counters (while checking social media and sipping coffee of course!)

So, yeah...grab a shower once and a while and respect the relationship with your partner but not becoming a huge slob, but focus on your child(ren) and find ways to help yourself to be fulfilled in your role as mom. If this means setting an alarm to say your prayers, great and if not, that's great too! I will definitely not be setting any kind of alarm...