The illusion of perfection.

I like to post on Facebook and Instagram and lately, I like to blog too. I don't do drama and I try to be positive with my posts. I love to share ideas, funny stories and cute baby things. I think social media is a wonderful thing, in most cases. It has allowed me to connect with other like-minded moms who I would never have had the opportunity to "meet", it has allowed me a safe space to ask for help and has allowed me to pass on helpful information to other moms in similar situations. It helps me to feel connected to the world even on days when I am home in my sweats all day.

All wonderfulness aside (that's a word, right?), there are downfalls of social media for moms specifically. In terms of "mommy wars", social media can be tough. You see other moms posting about the great trip they took their little one on, the gourmet meals they make and the immaculate home they keep. You see the fantastic crafts they come up with and the perfect play room that is right off of Pinterest! I love to see the ideas and love to see little ones enjoying life...even if I am a little envious of that play room! Sometimes though, it makes us feel as though we are 'less than' or like we can't measure up in some way.

So, here is the thing...

While I try to avoid posting photos with dishes in the background or don't update my status to include a recent spat with hubby...you won't ever catch me pretending to be perfect (at anything!). I like to share ideas and tips about parenting, but I definitely don't have it all figured out and won't pretend to. I lose my patience sometimes, we eat take out, we watch tv, I don't shower daily and we have dog hair on our furniture...that inevitably ends up in Ruby's mouth daily!

Just so you know...

Respectfully parenting a baby

I have a bit of a 'thing' for quotes. I always have. I love motivating quotes and words of wisdom that might relate to a certain situation that I'm facing.  So, when I'm checking Pinterest for new recipes and sensory activities, I look forward to coming across new quotes that get me thinking.

"It is not what we teach them, but how we treat them, that will have the greatest impact on their future" - L.R. Knost

For me, this quote speaks to the attachment-style, gentle and respectful parenting that I have come to love over the last eleven months. There are so many examples, in my opinion, of how little one's can be shown respect where they often are not (simply because we are busy or don't even realize the opportunity is there). Here is a little list of strategies that I find to be respectful and helpful in everyday life with Ruby...

1. I give her warning about upcoming events. As an example, when we get up in the morning and are going through our morning routine, I tell her where we are going after we are ready or who will be visiting, etc. I have found this to be a game changer (no pun intended) when it comes to diaper changes! Letting her know what to expect helps her with the transition and is just respectful in my opinion. Imagine living your whole life never knowing what the heck is coming next...I would probably have occasional melt downs myself!

2. I give her choices when possible. Even at eleven months, Ruby is more than capable of making simple choices. She picks and chooses what she eats and how much, when she wants to nurse, when she naps (we follow sleepy cues, rather than the clock), what book we read, whether she wants her slippers on or off, etc. As she gets older there will be more opportunities for her to make decisions for herself and to gain confidence in her ability to make choices.

3. I believe in letting her safely explore a variety of play, objects and activities. Even though we have lots of toys, Ruby is pretty keen on practicing the stairs, exploring the contents of drawers and cupboards and she learns lots while doing so. I want her to be curious and adventurous, rather than simply engaging only in the activities that I have assumed will be of interest to her (although, if I am being totally honest, there are times that I wish she would just sit in one place and play with her toys so I could just sit on my butt!!)

4. I try my best not to dictate play or have expectations in how she plays. For example, I introduced egg shaped crayons to her the other day and while she did spend some time on art work, she was also intrigued by the awkward way that the "eggs" rolled around on the floor. Respecting her interests has been a big one for me since she loves being outside and I'm more of an indoor girl! haha

5. I respect her need for some predictability. Although, we may go different places and do different things in the run of a day, I have a pretty set routine in the morning and at night. I think everyone appreciates a little comfortable routine and especially since so much is new to her as a baby, I think it's important to provide that for her. Bed time is also much much easier with some routine involved!

6. This is a big one - I acknowledge her feelings! If she takes a tumble, I resist the urge to shush her or tell her "you're ok" (it still happens sometimes, but I'm continuing to work on it). I validate her feelings and tell her that I'm there for her. If she isn't bothered by the event, I label it for her and we move on ("oh, you bumped your head"). If she is scared, hurt, tired, hungry or anything else, I try my hardest to acknowledge it. Something that falls in to this category is when she wants me, she gets me. If someone wants to hold her, but she cries or puts her hands out to me, I take her back. I want her to know that I respect her feelings and her choice and that she can trust me and rely on me.

7. I give her the language to express herself. When she shows me an item or points to something, I label it for her. When she looks up at me during play, I give her the words that she is looking for in order to tell me about what she is doing ("you're turning the pages', "you're kicking the ball", etc).

8. I apologize! If I make a mistake, I own it.

I'm sure I am missing things, but these are the big ones to me....the ways in which I believe that we can show respect to our little one's. Our kiddos are so smart and deserve to be treated as such.

Opportunity for change

"...we have the opportunity to be birthed all over again along with our children's budding sprit. For this to happen, all we need do is yield to the ever-shifting adventure of parenthood. Our children will lead the way. This is why parenting a young child is our greatest opportunity for change. If we are open to it, our child acts as our guru." - Dr. Shefali Tsabary (Author of 'The Conscious Parent')

This quote is a much fancier way of saying exactly what I have been feeling since meeting Ruby. Letting go of expectations and following my gut with regards to parenting her has allowed me to grow in ways I hadn't imagined. Rather than being the parent I thought I would be, I am being the parent that she needs me to be. Instead of having certain expectations of her or of myself, I am "winging it" (which is a completely new experience for me!!). I am doing my best to foster her interests and abilities and honour her spirit, rather than imposing my ideals or my own interests upon her.

Before Ruby, I was all about structure, organization and rules. I was happiest when I was busy and being productive. I was a believer in the parent-child relationship being one of teacher-student, boss-employee, leader-follower. Without me even realizing it initially, she changed all of that for me. I have come to realize that this journey is new for both of us...I am not the expert. We are learning and growing together and she is the leader and the teacher just as much as I am. I may be providing her with opportunities to learn language and practice gross and fine motor skills (etc.), but she, in turn, is teaching me about patience, love, vulnerability and the list goes on and on. I am learning about selflessness and how to slow down and enjoy the little things and those quiet moments.

This is a challenging journey, but I honestly feel as though it has been my greatest opportunity for growth and change. I believe that Ruby is helping me to become a better person and moulding me in to the parent that she needs in order to reach her fullest potential. I only hope that I can be open enough to this experience and therefore gain the ability to be what and who she needs me to be.