"It is not what we teach them, but how we treat them, that will have the greatest impact on their future" - L.R. Knost
For me, this quote speaks to the attachment-style, gentle and respectful parenting that I have come to love over the last eleven months. There are so many examples, in my opinion, of how little one's can be shown respect where they often are not (simply because we are busy or don't even realize the opportunity is there). Here is a little list of strategies that I find to be respectful and helpful in everyday life with Ruby...
1. I give her warning about upcoming events. As an example, when we get up in the morning and are going through our morning routine, I tell her where we are going after we are ready or who will be visiting, etc. I have found this to be a game changer (no pun intended) when it comes to diaper changes! Letting her know what to expect helps her with the transition and is just respectful in my opinion. Imagine living your whole life never knowing what the heck is coming next...I would probably have occasional melt downs myself!
2. I give her choices when possible. Even at eleven months, Ruby is more than capable of making simple choices. She picks and chooses what she eats and how much, when she wants to nurse, when she naps (we follow sleepy cues, rather than the clock), what book we read, whether she wants her slippers on or off, etc. As she gets older there will be more opportunities for her to make decisions for herself and to gain confidence in her ability to make choices.
3. I believe in letting her safely explore a variety of play, objects and activities. Even though we have lots of toys, Ruby is pretty keen on practicing the stairs, exploring the contents of drawers and cupboards and she learns lots while doing so. I want her to be curious and adventurous, rather than simply engaging only in the activities that I have assumed will be of interest to her (although, if I am being totally honest, there are times that I wish she would just sit in one place and play with her toys so I could just sit on my butt!!)
4. I try my best not to dictate play or have expectations in how she plays. For example, I introduced egg shaped crayons to her the other day and while she did spend some time on art work, she was also intrigued by the awkward way that the "eggs" rolled around on the floor. Respecting her interests has been a big one for me since she loves being outside and I'm more of an indoor girl! haha
5. I respect her need for some predictability. Although, we may go different places and do different things in the run of a day, I have a pretty set routine in the morning and at night. I think everyone appreciates a little comfortable routine and especially since so much is new to her as a baby, I think it's important to provide that for her. Bed time is also much much easier with some routine involved!
6. This is a big one - I acknowledge her feelings! If she takes a tumble, I resist the urge to shush her or tell her "you're ok" (it still happens sometimes, but I'm continuing to work on it). I validate her feelings and tell her that I'm there for her. If she isn't bothered by the event, I label it for her and we move on ("oh, you bumped your head"). If she is scared, hurt, tired, hungry or anything else, I try my hardest to acknowledge it. Something that falls in to this category is when she wants me, she gets me. If someone wants to hold her, but she cries or puts her hands out to me, I take her back. I want her to know that I respect her feelings and her choice and that she can trust me and rely on me.
7. I give her the language to express herself. When she shows me an item or points to something, I label it for her. When she looks up at me during play, I give her the words that she is looking for in order to tell me about what she is doing ("you're turning the pages', "you're kicking the ball", etc).
8. I apologize! If I make a mistake, I own it.
I'm sure I am missing things, but these are the big ones to me....the ways in which I believe that we can show respect to our little one's. Our kiddos are so smart and deserve to be treated as such.
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